I have begun to think about this odd and miraculous turn of events. Especially now that I have started back at work again, if only it be part-time. I have become so accustomed to posting here, that now that I am faced with the reality that things are slowing down and heading back to the realms of normalcy – that I may actually run out of things to say. At least as to how it may pertain to my transplant. That’s not to say it hasn’t been beating me in the face like some t’d off Salmon trying not get eatin’ by a bear named Boog – just lately, it has been a bit more… strange.
The thing that still keeps coming up is that folks find it strange/odd that they didn’t know I was sick or needed a transplant.
Taken one way, it could be that I was the sickest healthy person you would ever meet. More often than not, I looked fine. At times I was a bit on the Mellow-Yellow side, but unless I was sick and on my way to the hospital – you wouldn’t really know I was that sick. Some people made the observation that I did not generally look well, but most did not.
Now, taken another way, it could be that some folks find it odd that I didn’t really talk about it. Which to me is strange. It’s not like the fact that I needed a Liver Transplant to keep on living would just pop up in normal conversation, it seems like a good way to kill someones happy feelings…. So I didn’t talk about it. Some people knew, and they found out through various avenues – but as a general rule I said very little about it. Call it me being private, guarded or just plain in denial. Whatever. More than any other reason, I didn’t talk about because I didn’t want to. It wasn’t anything I wanted to do, it didn’t seem like it was fun thing to have to go through – and I was more able to be myself and concentrate on the tasks at hand without dwelling on this ominous thing I was going to have to go through.
I’ve changed that a bit; if you hadn’t noticed. I’m not the same person I was 3 months ago. I’m not going to say I’m a new man, that’s a bit overdone and quite a misnomer. But it would be just as false to say that this whole experience has not made me different. I haven’t formulated it all just yet – I’m still just trying to get back to healthy and normal; whatever the hell that is.
I do find myself struggling with what, if anything to post. Flogging English is easy, I yap about all things there – but here; it’s different. The topics are more focused, and centrally located to the fact that I am a transplant recipient – one that has an amazingly good run at it so far. And it’s just that run that is making the postings here a bit more infrequent; which leads me back to the strangeness of it. The lack of focus? Or a void in an activity that I have found to be amazingly therapeutic during some of the most trying portions of my recovery. I also find far too easy to slip back into habits that I would prefer not to slip back into.
I haven’t had more than 3 sodas in the last 3 months. 3. I used to drink at least 10 a week, and usually 90% of it was Mt. Dew. Yeee Haaaww! I have made the decision to not drink that stuff anymore – not even diet. I want to shed pounds, and keep my health in a much better state than where I left it before. So far so good. But I still stare down the bottles of Dew at the Country Fair every time I pass the door by to go for a Tea or Propel. There are other habits too, and other things I would like to get back into the habit off. Riding my damned bike is one of them. I used to draw such energy from riding back in the day. It’s been a long time since I have really ridden my bike.
After my first day at work officially, I am tired – even if it was only a half day. I’m a bit sore too, and I found myself limping a bit on the right side as I walked to the car after work. I’m not sure what that’s all about. Back to work I go, primarily in the mornings, since I am far more energetic and attentive in the am. We’ll see how it goes eh?